After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
