Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
