I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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