Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
