his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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