hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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