I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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