I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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