we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
