on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
