Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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