So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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