I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
