The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
