Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
