I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
