i was born a porn star she said
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
