Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
