We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
