I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
