I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
