the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
