ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
