You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
