I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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