Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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