He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
