its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i think my cat just said my name.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
