Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
