the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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