let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
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