It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
