I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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