Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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