whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm both gender and math confused
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