I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
