how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
