I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
