I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
