Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
