I can text with my tongue
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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