Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
