If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
