Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize