this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
