So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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