his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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