between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
