I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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