I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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