he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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