her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
