There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize