dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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