Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
