Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
