You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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