so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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