So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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