dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
