Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize