Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
