do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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