so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize