Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
