she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
