Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
