I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
