I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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