They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
